Captains Shoot-Out 2013  ... as seen by your on course reporter

May 4th saw the actual Captain's Shoot-Out - a gathering of 10 elite golfers doing battle on the Essex course.  ... or there would have been 10 if our Captain hadn't decided to accidentally bring in a new innovation called "the 11th man".  As it turned out, this was a master-stroke since it just added to the range of golfing mishaps available to watch.

Defending the title was Chris Collinson who was the first to prove Rule #1 of the shoot-out - the player who starts to screw up a hole first (however spectacularly) is never the one to loose the hole.  Chris set out on safari down the left of the Essex 1st - everyone was waiting for the rescue club to finally connect and sail on to the green from 250 yds - but it never came. Chris' score of 8 was finally matched by Malcolm K-F who'd spent the morning's medal with our reporter perfecting his shoot-out technique.  The chip-off was close - but Malcolm lost out.  At this point, we started to see the beauty of our captain's plan - we had 10 highly relieved players - not the 9 of previous years.

On the second hole, Dave Sephton did what any sensible player would do with a ball at the base of a tree. None of us were fooled by his cry of "this tree is less than 6 ft tall" so he knocked it out sideways with a plan to play sensibly after that. As we all know, playing for safety only works for other people and Dave had to bow out.

Not many people know it but the third fairway is actually 200 yards wide.  We know this because Trevor C is strictly a 'fairways and greens' man and used the left edge over by a distant plantation.  Fortunately our ref (Bob Bridges) had bought some nice fish-eye lenses for his glasses and could still see everyone.  Nick Alderton struggled here also - trying a spot of gardening next to the green. With him hacking at the same patch of dirt for several minutes, everyone else got bored and moved onto the next hole, leaving him to it.

Everyone knows that the Essex 4th is a shoot-out's dream hole!  Intimidating tee shot, lots of water and plenty of players still left in the comp to make a hash of it (remember Graham's plan?).  It did not disappoint.  Seven's on this par 3 are not normally the stuff of victory but David Tomkins will dine out on his for a while. Chris "what's a half shot" Collinson racked up an eight here - too awful to describe step-by-step.  The only thing he didn't hit was the nesting goose or its mate but taking either on would have been less painful. 

Now Graham's plan got serious - with two players scheduled to drop out on the 5th.  Kevin Power made a break for the 7th green from the 5th tee - so wide in fact that even Malcolm K-F  (well practiced in these arts) had trouble finding it.  Paul Chamberlain's powers of recovery also deserted him and both these gents departed the field on the next green.  ... not before we were treated to an exquisite bunker shot by their great buddy Dave Tomkins.  The next hole yet again proved the law of averages, as great skill like this is so often followed by rubbish!.  And so Mr T dropped out on the 6th.

Ray Charles had been in good form - just like his footie team.  But just like them, the inevitable sticky-patch.  Trevor C showed that the best way to get closest to the 7th flag in two is to use the semi-rough on the 6th.

The 8th hole saw Trevor and John hit the green (well nearly, Trevor) and Mike Barker hit the beach.

The remaining field included Trevor 'fairways and greens', Ray Charles (not the music bloke), Mike Barker and John Black - hitting shots just like a medal winner.

Those spectators still awake were at fever pitch (still) as Chris and Mike negotiated the ninth.  Mike - calm and controlled down the fairway and Chris slightly less so adopting a 'top and rough' strategy down the right.  What happened next will live in history for weeks.  Chris found the green from 200 yards and Mike's 100 yd pitching wedge sailed clean over the green and into the lake - no doubt helped on its way by gallons of adrenalin.

Chris two-putted to win the match - his second in this event.  Both spectators interviewed afterwards said that they'd definitively come back next year.